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Hi everyone, I’m Dr. Michael Mantell with another edition of Family Law Matters with certified family law specialist Bonnie Rabinovitch-Mantel, founder and managing partner of the Primus Family Law Group. Hi Bonnie. Hi Michael, how are you doing today? Terrific, we’re getting through another warm day here in San Diego as usual.

Bonnie, I have a question. Recently in San Diego we celebrated the annual Pride Week and quite a celebration every year. I know that Primus Family Law Group does have a focus in working with a tremendously diverse population, including people who have same-sex relationships and marriage.

Let’s discuss today some of the specific issues related to same-sex marriage. It’s legal in California since 2008, correct? Correct. And what’s nice is that finally, I mean 2008 was far too long in coming, but what’s nice is that now they are treated as they should be like everybody else who’s married.

So the same rules that apply to heterosexual couples apply to same-sex marriages. Everything you earn, acquire, owe, that you’ve accumulated during the marriage is considered a community property that is divided equally unless you guys agree otherwise for whatever reason. But it’s the same with respect to support, property division, retirement division.

It was a long time in coming. I’m sure, absolutely, I agree with that. What about child custody issues? What bearing does same-sex marriage have on child custody issues regarding surrogacy and those sorts of things? Is there any difference that we see there? Well, there is, unfortunately, there can be some differences.

If you’re married, the children are treated as part of the marital unit. So that is very helpful. If you’ve adopted the children versus had one of your partners actually have the child, adoptive parents are treated exactly the same as biological parents.

If you are not married, that’s where sometimes the problems come in. Because where you’ve got a paternity case where you have a biological father and a biological mother, there’s no issue. But unfortunately, when it’s the same-sex relationship, if let’s say it’s two women and one has the child, one is the biological mother, that can pose problems for the non-biological mother.

And that can create issues where court would have to get involved and assert rights on behalf of the parent. In our work, we come at these issues, obviously, very differently. You from the legal issue, me from the emotional well-being issue.

A real-life situation, a couple are married, they have several children. The gentleman in the marriage comes to acknowledge that he is gay and he wants out of the marriage and he’s ready to live a new life. He falls in love with a man, he marries, and they have two children through surrogacy.

Now, is there any difference in child custody, child support regarding these children because it’s the same-sex marriage or absolutely treated the same? Absolutely treated the same. And there’s no issue with respect to his former children as well, like the custody and visitation issues that result because he happens to have realized he was gay. The court focuses on the same things always, the best interests of the children.

So if the best interests of the children are to share those children equally between mom who happens to be heterosexual and dad who happens to be gay, that’s what’s going to be. That’s where the way the system is made to work is that it’s the best interests of the children. I know that you do everything you possibly can, your whole team does, to make sure that people get through this process positively and efficiently.

How does Primus Family Law, how does Bonnie Rabinovitch-Mantel handle it when, in this case, the previous spouse, the wife, is talking negatively to the biological children about the father in very offensive ways about becoming gay and so forth and so on? Is there a legal intervention for that? Usually every custodial order has an order that precludes parents from talking negatively to the children or within earshot of the children about the other parent, regardless of what the issue is. And so the court can do things about it. We also have the reality check, which is the court cannot walk into somebody’s home and stop their mouth.

I mean, right, that’s also a constitutional issue. And unfortunately, people are not perfect and make mistakes and damage their children in all sorts of ways that we don’t intend to do, or they don’t realize they’re on the phone venting to friend A and the child happens to walk by the room. Things happen.

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We hope that during this situation, I mean, we will argue with opposing counsel. We will say, hey, please remind your client to be more mindful about it. But if it continues, the courts have the authority to modify custody and visitation, because that shows a parent does not have that child’s best interests at heart.

Obviously, your children are half you and half the other side. So talking negatively, not only about the other side, is essentially talking negatively about some part of your child. And we try to convey that.

But you know, we can only do so much as legal advocate. We’d have to bring that to court. And if it’s pretty pervasive, then the court will take that under consideration.

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Primus Family Law Group is a very family focused team. The office feels like a family. You treat each client as if it’s a member of family with a very personalized approach.

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Can you talk about the culture that you have that allows that to happen? Our clients are our clients. It’s the community. It’s whoever needs our help.

It’s whoever wants our help. We’re here for everybody, every situation. That’s what Primus is about.

We are a diverse family ourselves. We have all been through the system in one way, shape or form and another. And we just want to help those get through it with as little drama, trauma as possible.

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And on that high note, if people want to be in touch with Primus Family Law Group, how can they do that? You can reach us at 619-574-8000. Or you can reach us online at www.primusfamilylaw.com. And if people want to spend some time talking with you or a member of your team, how do they go about arranging that consultation? You can call or go online. There is a form you can fill out online and it will send to us and we will set up a consultation.

We offer a free 30-minute phone consultation to see how best we can help you. Excellent. With that information, folks, thank you for joining us in another edition of Family Law Matters.

See you soon.