(0:00 – 0:53)
Hi everyone, I’m Dr. Michael Mantell with another edition of Family Law Matters with certified family law specialist Bonnie Rabinovitch-Mantel, founder and managing partner of the Primus Family Law Group. Hi Bonnie. Hi Michael, how are you doing today? Terrific, a little warmer today, but a beautiful day here in sunny San Diego.

Bonnie, I thought today we would do something a little bit different. I’d like to do, yeah, why not? I’d like to do a rapid round of questions that people have been sending to me saying, hey, ask Bonnie Rabinovitch-Mantel this question. So I’m going to fire these questions at you, let’s take three or so, and see if we can get some good answers for folks, okay? Okay, this could be scary, but I’m game.

(0:54 – 2:09)
You’re game. I know that you can handle it. You’ve been described as formidable, and you’re described as tenacious, and you bring ingenuity, and you bring insight, so I have no concerns.

The first question, number one, what if I don’t want a divorce and my spouse does? What do we do then, divorce attorney? Okay, well, has your spouse filed divorce papers yet? Oh, this is a good question. I don’t know. The question was saying, what if I don’t want a divorce and my spouse does? Well, unfortunately, here are the options.

If your spouse goes ahead and files divorce papers, the process is going to start, and while you can drag your feet for as long as you want, they can default judgment you, which means that you’re not responding, you’re not participating. The other side wants a divorce, and they’re going to give it to him or her. If you have not filed papers yet, then obviously, the question is whether or not you guys have tried marital counseling, because if one of you wants in and the other one wants out, maybe it’s time to seek that path before going down the path of divorce, but it will happen if they filed.

(2:10 – 5:14)
Do you see that often where someone says, file for divorce, but the other spouse says, no, I really don’t want a divorce? Yeah, I’ve actually seen it happen where people reconcile throughout the process. That is always possible. If both decide that they’re going to suspend the process, the court obviously is not going to force you to get divorced.

In fact, they would rather you stay married. That is the public policy of California, but I’ve also seen people where one side just doesn’t want it, and it does happen anyway because the other side does want it. And as you said, then mental health counseling or coaching or therapy is necessary.

That’s got to be a very tough situation for you to hear someone stamping their feet saying, I don’t want this divorce. It is difficult. It’s uncomfortable.

In fact, one of the questions when people are finally getting divorced, the court has to ask certain questions, and one of them is, have you tried everything that’s possible? Is there any other thing that we could do to assist you to keep your marriage together? And the parties respond, no. I’ve seen it happen where one party goes, well, I don’t feel like we’ve tried everything, and they’ve done everything. And sometimes that can lead to even a different hearing where you have to figure that out.

But if one party wants to get divorced, that will happen. Bonnie, I suspect from the mental health perspective that if someone is adamant, I don’t want this divorce, and it goes through anyway, that does set up alarms and warning bells for potential violence. And that leads to my next question that someone sent in.

My spouse is abusive. So how can I protect myself during the divorce process? As attorneys, we’re not bodyguards or police, but if your spouse is abusive, you should hope be seeking a restraining order. And by law, then you are protected with a stay away order if your spouse is truly abusive and there are grounds to get a restraining order.

Temporary restraining orders are not so difficult to get because we try to err on the side of caution. Then within about three weeks or with COVID, unfortunately, there are delays in that, but the restraining order hearings are heard first. And then you put on your evidence as to why you believe you are entitled to a permanent restraining order.

And if you meet those thresholds, the court will grant you a restraining order for three, five years, and that will protect you. And if somebody violates it, it’s a crime. So there are criminal consequences to that.

Uh-huh. Can people, can you file the restraining order for people? Yes. Or does that go through, you do? If you’re married, if you’re a girlfriend, if you’re a step-parent, if you’re related that way in family law, we can file restraining orders for you.

(5:14 – 5:52)
What if you’re a boyfriend? Yes. If you live in the same residence, if you’re a boyfriend, if you’ve been boyfriend for a year or so, yes, you can, that’s a relationship that allows you to file in family court for a restraining order. That’s another service you can provide people who have that kind of concern.

Yes. All right. It is something we do.

We do it very well. We’ve been doing it a long time and COVID unfortunately has added that to the uptick, the services that we find ourselves doing a little more because people are stuck together in situations that are already on the brink. And then you add all these other stressors in.

(5:54 – 7:45)
You have a reputation for seeking closure, not revenge. And this leads to the next question. If my ex doesn’t pay child support, can I withhold visitation? Absolutely not.

Oh, that ends that. The parent’s access to the child has nothing to do with the payment. You have your remedies.

If they are under a child support order to pay, you can go back to the family court and seek not only the arrears, the payment, and likely your attorney’s fees. If you had to hire an attorney to get your orders enforced, you can also go to the department of child support services. That’s a whole different body.

It’s a government body. It’s a self-help body, and they will enforce your orders by garnishing his wages. They can take driver’s licenses away.

So that precludes somebody from being able to work. They can take passports away if you don’t pay your child support, but you can’t deny visitation. Sounds great.

See, you handled those questions terrifically. Thank you, Michael. Bonnie, Promise Family Law Team provides sophisticated client services in matrimonial and family law concerns.

How can people be in touch with you if they want to reach you for a free consultation? Well, if you want a free phone consultation, you can reach us at 619-574-8000. Melanie is our amazing front person office, and she will put you on my calendar, and we can discuss how Primus can best help your case online. We also have a form that you can fill out.

It is www.PrimusFamilyLaw.com. Sounds great. Primus Family Law. Bonnie, thanks for a wonderfully informative edition of Family Law Matters.

We’ll see you next time. Thanks, Michael. Have a great day.