(0:00 – 0:34)
Hi everyone, I’m Dr. Michael Mantell with another Family Law Matters. Today I’m joined by Bonnie Rabinovitch-Mantel who is the owner and managing partner of the famed Primus Family Law Group and a member of her team, the formidable Corinne Shepard. Bonnie, would you please introduce Koryn? Oh, after so many of these already, we all know Koryn, Koryn Shepard, our Certified Family Law Specialist, one of our senior litigators, also known as a Miner’s Counsel extraordinaire.

(0:35 – 0:43)
She also does a lot of settlement work. She’s everywhere. Someone not to tangle with.

(0:43 – 0:46)
No. You wanna see her work out. Okay, let’s go on.

(0:48 – 1:05)
I wanna talk today about step-parenting. I was recently in a situation where a youngster had a life, he had a situation, well, he had a bar mitzvah. It was a bar mitzvah.

(1:05 – 1:36)
Okay, I was trying to think, how do I explain this? Okay, and at the bar mitzvah, he looked up and he thanked his mother and then he went on and on and thanked his stepmother for all the care and devotion and love and help and everyone looked and we all felt it in our hearts. That’s not the most common thing that you folks see. When it comes to step-parenting, tell us some of the major issues that you folks are confronted with.

(1:37 – 1:53)
Well, what’s funny, Michael, is I am a step-parent, have been for, God, 20 years. Koryn is step-parent light. She is in a relationship with someone who has kids.

(1:54 – 2:10)
So from personal knowledge, I mean, at least on my end, I can tell you that I was naive. I thought three parents could get along and co-parent and the more people that love the kids, the better. What’s the big deal? Not.

(2:11 – 2:19)
Well, and I have step-parents. So I grew up with step-parents on both sides. So, you know, I have seen step-parents that can get along.

(2:20 – 2:32)
It is possible. It’s not always easy, but it is possible. I think though that it is so important to foster a good relationship with the step-parents for the kids.

(2:32 – 2:53)
I mean, I think it’s brilliant that your young person, I think it was a young man, felt that he could say such positive things about his step-mother and, you know, that’s great. That’s so healthy for him to have another person in his life, a bonus mom, or, you know, it’s not his mom. He’s got a mom.

(2:54 – 3:11)
He clearly loves his mom. Mom got thanked first, you know, and then step-mom got praised. And probably in some respects, the step-mom probably needs it more because, you know, we don’t have that from birth prior to, you know, actual birth connection with the children, but you still love them.

(3:11 – 3:30)
You still do for them. You still pick up their socks, do their laundry, cook their meals, you know, listen to their complaints, you know, let them talk to you about YouTube things you don’t understand and not along happily, you know, you know, listen to their terrible music on the radio, you know, on the car rides, all of the things. Let me interrupt you for one moment, Corinne.

(3:30 – 3:44)
Yeah. So does a step-parent have legal rights of any kind? No, I mean, well, let me, I say no, but it’s no with the asterisks. It depends because we’re lawyers and everything always depends.

(3:45 – 4:08)
A step-parent can gain rights if a parent is not there and cannot act as a parent. So if a parent dies, a step-parent could be considered a de facto parent. A de facto parent is in essence, a third party who is not an actual factual parent who steps into the role of a parent.

(4:08 – 4:13)
This can be a grandparent. This can be a step-parent. This can be an aunt or uncle.

(4:13 – 4:28)
This could be almost anybody that the child has a parent-like bond to. In those instances, a step-parent, yes, can, and they have to be determined to be a de facto parent. And then they then, yes, have rights.

(4:28 – 4:42)
Another way of doing it would be perhaps a guardianship. This is actually a probate issue. A lot of people don’t realize that guardianships are not a part of family law, which doesn’t make a lot of sense because you’d think they would be, but they’re not.

(4:42 – 4:50)
That’s a probate issue, not a family issue. But in family court, the route would be to say, I’m a de facto parent. And so I’m a parent.

(4:51 – 5:04)
In fact, give me those rights. Now, if people were to get along, for example, a typical, a simple situation is when you’ve got a military member who’s being deployed for six months. They’re remarried.

(5:04 – 5:12)
You’ve got a step-parent. You may also have half-brothers and sisters to consider. And you’ve got the biological parent.

(5:13 – 5:35)
Now, if parents were to cooperate, they would realize the benefit of keeping those connections while the parent is deployed instead of mandating. The law is when parent is deployed, the children go back to the parent, the other parent. But the court also has to consider the stability of routine.

(5:36 – 6:08)
And if you have a 50-50 or a close to equal shared custody arrangement, and the children are bonded with parent, parent, and step-parent, and they’re half extended families, the court may consider that step-mom or step-dad continue the schedule while somebody is deployed because it’s in the best interest of the children. So again, cooperation would be nice that you can agree to do that. The courts will consider it.

(6:09 – 6:27)
And step-parents, though, without that are left out in the cold if, let’s say, right? When the, let’s say the second relationship doesn’t work out. Okay, let’s say step-mom, step-dad, and the parent divorce. But they have a really close bond with those children.

(6:28 – 6:51)
There’s not a, they’d have to petition as a de facto parent, which is very hard to do. And so they lose that, you know, that’s in those situations, like Corinne started, it is the best to try to get people to cooperate and realize the benefits. And you have to think about the fact of the kids’ relationships with everybody.

(6:51 – 6:57)
You want to facilitate their comfort. They’re going to be with the other parent and that step-parent. You want them to be as comfortable as possible.

(6:58 – 7:02)
Yeah, it hurts for you, the parent. You want them to want to be with you more. You want them to like you better.

(7:02 – 7:14)
I don’t, I’m not even pretending that’s not a real thing. It totally is. But you don’t want your child miserable when they’re with their parent, which they will inevitably be with the other parent for some amount of time.

(7:14 – 7:41)
So it would be best to encourage your children to try to have a good, healthy, positive relationship with the step-parent, who probably sometimes will be watching your child without the other parent around. And so you want to make sure that person feels comfortable calling you if there’s an emergency, to tell you if there’s a problem. If you have a step-parent who the mom or the dad is making them feel like they can’t communicate, that’s not good.

(7:41 – 8:02)
You’re not going to get information and you’re not going to be the first person they call when the other parent’s not around. Well, folks, you’re seeing why Primus Family Law Group approaches each case with ingenuity and integrity to make a real positive difference in the lives of people. I appreciate both of you weighing in on this.

(8:03 – 8:22)
Bonnie Rabinovitch-Mantel, Koryn Shepard of Primus Family Law Group. If people want to be in touch with you, Bonnie, how can they reach you? Number is still 619-574-8000. You can always reach us and we will set aside 30 minutes to give you our ideas on how we can help you with your matter.

(8:23 – 8:33)
Or you can reach out to us at www.primusfamilylaw.com and fill out our form online there. Koryn Shepard, Bonnie Rabinovitch-Mantel. Thanks very much.

(8:34 – 8:36)
We’ll see you soon for another Family Law Matters.