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Hi everyone, I’m Dr. Michael Mantell with another edition of Family Law Matters with Bonnie Rabinovich Mantel, founder and managing partner of the Primus Family Law Group. Hi Bonnie. Hi Michael, once again it’s always a pleasure to be here and you know, Sean was able to join us again.

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So many people liked how insightful he was the last time. So he’s back for another one of our episodes. Well, speaking of episodes, we recently just celebrated Mother’s Day and before you turn around in a couple of weeks it’s going to be Father’s Day.

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Now in Family Law Matters, those days typically are more or less sacrosanct. People aren’t fighting about those. There are lots of other days when people are fighting for time with the kids and grandparents and so forth.

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Sean, I’m sure you see that. You know, it’s true Michael and thanks a lot. I’m happy to be here again.

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I see a lot, especially when it comes to kids’ birthdays about how to split up days. I see emails that go back and forth and references to Talking Parents, which is the app that a lot of parents use to try to have like a third party in between. And it’s just amazing to me in not necessarily a great way, how much money can be spent just arguing over what time a child is going to be picked up or where the location is going to be or whose day is it, right? So how do you split that day? It’s just, it’s pretty pervasive.

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It happens more than you would think. Bonnie, as someone who’s sitting on the front line at the front desk, if you will, with clients who are fighting the way Sean just described it and spending money seemingly unnecessarily over these things, what’s your take on this? You know, Michael, it’s not even just, well, it is of course about the money because people always wonder why it’s so expensive to go through this process. It’s also about, sorry.

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About the pets. Sometimes they get involved. It’s also about the stress and anxiety that causes.

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I mean, my pets give us a little relief, but I mean, holidays can be stressful and anxious. And, you know, then you put in this extra piece of having to split the baby in half and 15 minutes here. And why is it a half an hour late over there? And everybody gets so involved and focused and univision that we forget that this is a holiday and it involves the children.

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You know, you’ve got July 4th and fireworks only happen after dark. It’s hard. Well, in a coaching.

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Consider it. And in the coaching that we talk about, that I do and that you bring to your clients, we differentiate between demanding and preferring. And this is an excellent example.

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The more you demand that it be that extra seven minutes and she didn’t drop off and I didn’t get and so forth. And I must have, the more you spend, the sicker you make yourself and the unhealthier it is for the kids. And your work that you do, Bonnie and Sean, you try to bring this sense of preference and calm.

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And when you’re in litigation, that’s more difficult oftentimes. When you bring it into arbitration or mediation, perhaps it’s a bit easier. We talked a little bit about that last week.

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Any thoughts about that, Bonnie? I think that, you know, the more people are willing to recognize that it’s gotta be about the children and not necessarily about themselves. And the more they’re willing to give a little bit of compromise, it really does go further because you often hear people going, well, you know, fine, you weren’t flexible this time. Remember that when you need me to be flexible.

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Right, Sean? There’s a lot of that tit for tat. Well, of course. And you know, one of the things that I always worry about is the effect that it’s gonna have on the kids because I know I’ve heard it happen and I’ve heard it in recordings where parents are arguing about these, as Michael says, these seven minutes, essentially, in front of the children.

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So the children are exposed to the animosity that’s taking place over what’s literally a few minutes. And it’s like losing the forest through the trees. And unfortunately the kids sometimes get the worst end of that.

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We’re here to help them find other solutions and help them get through this. And you know, Michael, if you wanna reach out to us, you can always reach out to us at 619-574-8000. We offer a free 30 minute phone consultation to see how we can help resolve your issues.

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Or you can reach out to us through our website, www.primusfamilylaw.com. Thank you very much, Sean. Thank you very much, Bonnie. And we’ll see you next time for another edition of Family Law Matters.

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Have a great day.