(0:00 – 0:13)
Hello, everyone. I’m Dr. Michael Mantell with another Family Law Matters with Bonnie Rabinovitch-Mantel, owner and managing partner of the Primus Family Law Group. Hi, Bonnie.

(0:13 – 1:25)
Hi, Michael. How are you doing today? I’m doing great. I love this season.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. It can be. Kindness.

Kindness. That’s what we need. And kindness is defined as the quality of being friendly, generous, considerate.

And we view it that way at Primus Family Law Group. I know you and your team do. What can families going through divorce do to bring more kindness in interacting with each other? During the holidays, whether or not you have orders, meaning how the holidays are supposed to be shared, or whether or not you’re still trying to figure that out, I think what’s really important is to remember that this is also the holidays of your kids.

Your kids just want to be kids. They just want to have Christmas morning. They just want to have Thanksgiving day.

They want to enjoy without the stress and the bellyache that they have because of this whole situation. If parents out there think it’s not affecting their kids, think again. It’s all affecting your kids.

(1:25 – 1:54)
So if the parents can be compassionate and a little considerate, not worry about, oh, my God, they were supposed to exchange the children at 12.15, and now it’s 12.30. It’s not the end of the world. It’s more important during the holidays to go along, to get along for the sake of your kids because you’re teaching them a lot. Even when you don’t realize it, you are teaching them patterns of behavior.

(1:55 – 2:31)
How is it okay to act when things don’t go according to plan or we don’t have a plan? Is it okay to freak out? Is it okay to get angry? Is it okay to lose your mind because somebody’s 15 minutes late? And then parents kind of wonder why their children act out later in the exact same way that they’ve been acting. So if there’s one thing, just be a little bit considerate. I know it’s really hard when you’re very angry at the other side, or you feel the other side has done you wrong, or you just don’t like them anymore.

(2:31 – 2:41)
It doesn’t have to be acrimonious. It could just be, I don’t like you anymore, and I don’t want to do anything that facilitates your way. But your children are half you and half them.

(2:42 – 3:21)
So I feel like I’m whining a bit, but just try to get along. Well, when I help couples who are in this anger stage and they’re hurting each other, I always tell them, look, when you throw a rock, first it hits your three-year-old child in the head, and then with whatever force it’s left, maybe it stumbles onto the toe of your soon-to-be ex, your Stobex, soon-to-be ex. Kindness is shown through empathy, acceptance, thoughtfulness, caring for anyone you interact with.

(3:22 – 3:53)
And so let’s be honest. At this time of the year, when we talk about the Christmas season, Thanksgiving, gratitude, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, all these holidays, and we’re talking about how important it is to be kind. Folks, if you could hear in a session that your child has with me, the tear inside they feel, how twisted they feel inside.

(3:53 – 4:14)
And you could see on an X-ray what was happening to their stomach and their heart and their blood vessels and how inflamed they are. You’d say, my God, I hate the other person, but I love my child more. And so all we’re saying is this is a great time of the year to practice the pause.

(4:14 – 4:40)
Step back. Think before you do. Think before you do.

The link is what you think. And, Bonnie, I know that this is a time of the year you do feel like you are a therapist or a coach and you are helping people. And you’ve described, as I’ve said many times before, as relentless and formidable, but you’re loving and caring.

(4:41 – 4:56)
And that message and that heart comes through. Well, thank you, Michael. We just try to see that everybody gets through these holiday periods with a little bit less stress and drama that’s going to happen because you’re in this family loss situation.

(4:57 – 5:12)
And if you can just remember that your kids, you can start new traditions. Sometimes you’re giving up old traditions that you had with your family that was then. There’s always opportunities to make positive inroads.

(5:12 – 5:17)
We’re starting new traditions. We’ve got our own thing. Maybe something’s extra special.

(5:17 – 5:29)
Doesn’t have to be a financial extra special. You can sit down and just spend a little bit more quality time. But I think that helps both the kids and it helps the parents get through a hard time.

(5:30 – 5:43)
And the point of this is not it’s this isn’t just about your children. When you are furious and angry and you’re I’m going to show her show him or them. You are hurting your body.

(5:44 – 5:55)
You’re creating illness. The field is called psychoneuroimmunology for a reason. Psychologically, neurologically, and immunologically.

(5:56 – 6:06)
We hurt ourselves with anger. It’s like taking a put your hand in a bucket of hot coal, picking it up to throw it at your ex spouse. You burned your own hand.

(6:07 – 6:11)
Think about yourself. Think about your children. Have a happy holiday.

(6:11 – 6:39)
Bonnie, if people want to talk with you about this topic further and check out Primus Family Law Group, how can they be in touch with you? You can always reach us at 619-574-8000. And if you’re going through a family law issue, we will offer you a free 30 minute phone consultation to see how we can help with that matter. You can also reach us at www.PrimusFamilyLaw.com. And we’re always here.

(6:39 – 6:47)
Please have a safe and happy and healthy holiday season. Healthy, happy, safe holiday to all.