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Hello everyone, I’m Dr. Michael Mantell with another Family Law Matters, and it’s always an honor to be joining Bonnie Rabinovitch Mantel, owner and managing partner of the very esteemed Primus Family Law Group. Hi, Bonnie. Hi, Michael.

How are you doing today? Doing great. Thank you very much for asking. I hope you and your team and your family are all doing well.

We are all trying to stay safe and healthy in the ongoing and ever-present pandemic. Yes, that’s well put, as you put everything so well. Bonnie, on a more serious note, I have come across a very realistic issue that has been presented to me and my clients that I do coaching with, and the question that was raised is this.

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An ex-spouse takes the child, a four or five-year-old child, to a doctor and to a therapist, a psychotherapist, a counselor, and does not tell the parent, the other parent, about this. So the parent is, A, unaware that the child is getting any kind of medical or psychological attention, is unaware who is providing it, has no ability to say yes or no, and on top of that, is being asked to pay half of the bill. What do you think about this situation? Well, first you got to ask yourself, do these people have orders? If they have orders and they share joint legal custody, that means that all decisions regarding the health, welfare, and education of the child has to be mutually agreed upon, which means they have to discuss it and agree, and then select a provider together and then agree.

So I have a few questions because, you know, as one of the providers, if you receive a child into your office, do you ask what is your situation at home? If you’re divorced, if you’re, who has custody, do you as the provider request maybe a copy of, because people tell you, well, I have sole legal custody. If somebody says, I have sole legal custody and the provider believes that, they may provide care to this toddler because they believe that somebody has sole legal custody. But obviously, you know, so my questions are, the responsibility lies with the parent.

The parent should be honest and should share this information. Also, there should be a little bit of research by the provider to determine whether or not joint legal custody is there. If it’s there, I don’t believe the provider can ethically provide services without obtaining written consent from both parents.

That said, parent B does not have to pay for that. What’s going to happen is he or she is going to submit a bill, right, to the other parent and the other parent’s going to go, no, I’m not paying it. Well, the parent who chose this provider and didn’t discuss it can try to file a motion.

But in California, if you do that, most judges are going to say you didn’t discuss it. They didn’t know about it. They didn’t even know there was an issue.

And so, no, that’s kind of on you until you work with your other parent, co-parent, co-parent. In this case, yeah, co-parent. In this case, I’m not sure what the background is about the provider, what the parent told their provider and so forth.

But another question that pops into my mind is this, what happens when the parent says, well, I want my son or daughter to see a therapist. And okay, ex-spouse, here are the name of three people. You pick one and I’m fine with all three.

And the person says, nope, none of them are acceptable to me. Here’s my three, you pick. Nope, none of them are acceptable to me.

The child needs help. What happens then? In that case, I would suggest somebody file a motion. I mean, it’s unfortunate that a judicial officer who may or may not know these therapists will have to decide.

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But if your child needs help, then get the help. The other option is, I mean, then file a motion. Another option is, why don’t you go and sit with this person? Like mom really likes A and dad really likes B. Why don’t you go and sit with both of you together with A and both of you together with B and see if you can’t decide that way.

If you still can’t decide, you’re going to have to let a judicial officer decide for you. Bonnie, you and your team are described as formidable and relentless. And here’s an example why.

You solve problems straightforwardly, but firmly and clearly. I appreciate your answers. And I’m sure that those who are listening who face these real issues appreciate your clarity as well.

If people want to speak with you more about this topic or any family law related topic, how may they be in touch with you? Well, they can always reach us at 619-574-8000. And we will be pleased to put you on my calendar for a free 30-minute phone consultation. Or you can reach us at www.primusfamilylaw.com. And there’s a form you can fill out and we will reach out to you that way.

Bonnie, thank you very much. We’ll see you next time with another Family Law Matters. Thank you, Michael, as always.