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Welcome to Family Law Matters. I’m Dr. Michael Mantell, always privileged to be joining Bonnie Rabinovitch-Mantel, the owner and managing partner of The Primus Family Law Group, a family-oriented firm where experience meets results. Hi, Bonnie.

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Hi, Michael. How are you doing today? Doing well, enjoying the summer, right? Yes, it is beautiful as always in sunny California. Sure is.

And so, a question that has come up, and I think it comes up at every school break, whether it’s middle of the winter or here we are in summer. One parent decides that he or she wants to take the kids to see his parents or his family, his siblings. The other parent says, over my dead body.

I hate them. They’ve stabbed me in the back. They’ve hurt me, and that’s why we got divorced in the first place, and you’re not taking my kids to see them.

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Wow, that was very emphatic, Michael. Yeah, well, this is for real. So, I know you have this for real as well.

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So, let’s talk about that. What’s the point about these visitations and where you can take your children when you have them? When you have them, guess what? You get to do with them what you want. So, if you want to take your children out of state during your parenting time for a vacation, let’s say you’re going away for a week to, I don’t know, New York, you do have to give the other parent at least 30 days notice to take them out of the state because they have a right to know what with an itinerary, yada, yada.

But that’s notice. That is not a permission requirement. So, the other parent cannot say no.

You cannot take them to New York to see your mom, dad, sister, brother. That is not allowed. The only time that would be allowed is if that’s actually in your orders, that you need permission to go out of state.

Otherwise, the court’s going to assume that you have your best interests, your children’s best interests at heart. You’re not going to put them into dangerous situations, and you’re going to make sure that they’re well taken care of if you do allow them to see grandma and grandpa, aunt and uncle. Now, if you’re not going out of state, you still have that right.

On your parenting time, Michael, you get to do what you want with your children. Take them to Legoland, roller coasters, see grandma and grandpa, aunt and uncle. Just because, though, you decide to give your children away does not mean you have makeup time to get.

You’re not going to get more time because you’ve agreed to give your time to a family member. That is your time. You’ve done with it what you want.

The other side cannot say no. And so, you know, go ahead. Enjoy your family.

So, this is where the emotional well-being and the legal status come together. Because if you are the parent who is venting and you’re just, you know, screaming about the fact that she or he is taking the kids to the people who hate me and so forth and so on, they’re going to be bad mouthing me. My suggestion is you grab hold of three thoughts.

Number one, they shouldn’t do it. Who says they shouldn’t? You just heard saying it’s legal. It’s 100% acceptable.

Number two, it’s horrible. No, it’s just unfortunate, unpleasant, maybe even bad. And three, I can’t stand this.

Guess what? It’s worth standing for the sake of your children. Oftentimes, the emotional well-being and the legal standing need to come together. And this is a perfect example of that.

Don’t you think, Bonnie? Yes. But what’s also very important, Michael, about what you said is the parent who’s taking their children to these family members or away has a duty to make sure those people do not make negative statements about the other parent in front of the child. They have to promote the respect of the other parent.

That is actually in orders. Every visitation order that I’ve ever seen includes the language. And unfortunately, you know, you can’t necessarily stop people’s mouths, but you can remove your children from the situation.

They deserve to have good feelings about both sides. As you often say, divorce is the end of a marriage, but it’s not the end of a client’s world or life. This is an example of that.

If people have some questions about this, how can they reach you? They can always reach us at 619-574-8000. Malani will put you on my calendar for a free 30-minute phone consultation so we can discuss these issues. Or you can reach us online at www.PrimusFamilyLaw.com. Bonnie, thanks for another Family Law Matters.

We’ll see you next time. Looking forward to it. Have a great day, Michael.

You too.