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Hi everyone, welcome to Family Law Matters. I’m Dr. Michael Mantell, always privileged to be joining Bonnie Rabinovitch-Mantel, owner and managing partner of The Primus Family Law Group, a family-oriented firm where experience meets results. Bonnie, hi.
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Good morning, Michael. How are you? I’m good. How are you today? I’m okay.
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Good, good. Many people who are going through divorce, I suspect, would like to say, I’m okay also. And for many people believe they are not, or they can’t be, or they won’t be.
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Mediation is a process to help people find that I’m okay sense in their mind. Now, as I understand, everyone is required by law to go through some sort of a settlement type of a mediation meeting. Is that, that’s accurate? In San Diego County, you are required, before you can get a trial date, to do a mandatory settlement conference where you sit, you can, if you have attorneys, you and your attorneys will sit with another attorney who acts as a settlement judge and says, pretty much, hey, on these issues, this is what’s likely to happen at trial if you have all of this evidence.
And so why wait? You spend, you know, thousands more. Why not? Let’s do what we can do today to either do what the law says or do what you guys agree. And so I suspect the reason that people don’t follow that wise, rational path is because they have a belief in their head that blocks that.
And that belief is probably, I’m going to get screwed. I’m going to, I’m going to lose. I’m not, I’m not going to mediate and give away.
So what can we do to help people challenge that kind of thinking and get a handle on a healthier way of looking at how mediation can be a first step and a final resolution? You know, I’ve seen more and more, look, I’ve been doing this. I’ve been in the family law field now for 23 years, and I was a diehard litigator. You know, go in, have your position and let the judge decide.
And as I’ve gotten older and I’ve seen what this system can do to families, mediation is really, in my view, the better way. Because you start out, look, you may not be able to resolve every single issue in a few days. That’s unreasonable.
But if you’re both willing to do something different, that’s what mediation is. It puts two people, not in the same room. They don’t have to be in the same room.
We can do it by Zoom. We can do it individually, but it allows your position to come out. And it also allows you to understand what the law is.
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As a mediator, we’re neutral. So the idea that you’re going to get screwed is even less so, because we have to tell you what the law is. So if a person’s going to pay support, we have to say that to both parties.
If a person’s allowed to receive support, we have to say that. If the parties then decide to do something different, Michael, it’s with full information. We still have to do disclosures.
We have to do everything the law requires, but it’s done intentionally in a more transparent way. It saves a lot of time and energy. So what’s the takeaway that you give to people who are saying, I thought I better go to court? Well, the takeaway is that you can’t know what the other side is going to present as evidence.
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You can’t know beforehand, really, what the judge is going to believe or not believe. Whereas in mediation, because it’s inherently more informal, you have the ability to see everything really up close and decide and have direct access to the person who’s telling you, this is what the law provides. This is what’s likely to happen if you litigate it.
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So maybe another way of thinking about this in my sort of cut to it coaching approach is what do you got to lose? Exactly. Because you have nothing to lose because if you don’t settle at mediation, you still have the option to litigate. You go find yourself an attorney.
What’s even better is that usually your disclosures are done. The documents that you need to do are done. So if you have to litigate, you’re not starting from scratch.
I guess instead of starting with major surgery, let’s try some physical therapy first. I don’t know if that’s a great analogy or not. It’s the least intrusive method because you’re doing the stuff that you’re required to do.
You settle those issues again, maybe not everything, but you settle issues that save you money, not having to have two attorneys to litigate. And you still are protected. Absolutely.
It’s not like you’re walking in unprotected and you save a lot of psychological distress and upset and anger and all that as well. If people want to be in touch to learn more about taking the wise first step, mediate instead of litigate, how can they be in touch with you? You can call us at 619-574-8000. And Malani will put you on my calendar for a free 30 minute phone consultation to see if you guys qualify for mediation.
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Give us the number again. 619-574-8000. And you can also reach us online.
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www.PrimusFamilyLaw.com