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Hi, everyone. I’m Dr. Michael Mantel. Welcome to another Family Law Matters with Bonnie Rabinovich-Mantel, owner and managing partner of the Primus Family Law Group.

Hi, Bonnie. Hi, Michael. How are you doing today? Doing well.

Thank you very much. Bonnie, this is the most wonderful time of the year, as the song says, for many, unless, of course, you’re in the middle of a divorce or a split family and you don’t have your children to celebrate with all the time. This is a difficult time for many who are going through a divorce and custody battles and all the rest, isn’t it? It is.

It can be very difficult. It can lead to depression and a lot of anxiety and tension for the parents as well as the children during this time of year. So it’s really important to keep that in mind as the holidays come.

And so whether a couple who are divorcing have gone through mediation or litigation, whichever, are there certain rules or principles or advice that you have for couples who are trying to put their children first and maybe one side is not on board with that or another? Any advice you have for families dealing with this at this time of the year? Well, you know, I always try to tell people whether or not you have court orders regarding how your children are supposed to be shared during the holidays. It’s really important to take a step back and look at a bigger picture. You know, if the court order says you exchange your children at 10 a.m., that can be really hard on kids Christmas morning to have to get up and, you know, go through presents and be ready to go by 930 to get to the other side.

There are things that you can do. You can try to work together with the other parent to make it easier for the children. We all know that it’s important you want to have that time with your kids, but we always tell our clients, put your children first.

It’s really less about you than it is about them. Whether it’s your first holiday being separated or your fifth or 10th, it’s still really difficult on the kids if you guys can’t get along or can’t at least compromise, accommodate, be considerate. And I’m sure there are a bunch of them out there, Michael, that are saying right now, well, I’m trying to, but the other side can’t.

And I know how hard that can be. Just the other week, we had to run an ex parte because one side was refusing to give a parent Thanksgiving. And even though Thanksgiving was court ordered to be the other parents, you shouldn’t have to run into court to get your own custodial time.

That’s absurd. And it teaches your children awful things, awful things about you. And remember, it’s about Thanksgiving, not thanks-getting.

I share with parents very frequently, I know this is consistent with what Primus Family Law Group advocates, that yeah, we talk about putting the kids first. But the idea is this, it isn’t the amount of time you have or what time of the holiday you quote, get the kids. It’s about how you make the most out of whatever time you have.

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How can we celebrate? How can we maximize the time we have with the kids? We can look at it that way, or we can become miserable and very angry over what we, the parent, don’t get. Putting it, well, I feel bad for the kid. No, you really feel bad for yourself.

The kid is happy as getting gifts and doing this and being with these parents and these, this dad, this mom and grandparents. You’re right. Focus on how to make it as good as you can for the children.

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Bonnie, if people have more questions about dealing with the division and the time to get kids and all the things that go on at this time of the year, when there are children involved, how can they be in touch with you? Well, Michael, they can always reach us directly at 619-574-8000 and we will get you on my schedule for a 30-minute phone consultation. Or you can reach out online through www.primusfamilylaw.com. We have an online submission form that we also reach out and give you that 30-minute free phone consultation. Bonnie, wishing you and the entire Primus Family Law group and all of your clients and families a very healthy, hopeful, and happy holiday season.

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Thank you, Michael. We just want everybody to stay safe and happy out there.