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Hi everyone, I’m Dr. Michael Mantell with Primus Family Law owner and managing partner, Bonnie Rabinovitch-Mantel. Hi, Bonnie. Hi, Michael.

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You think you wouldn’t stumble as much on my name since it’s very similar to yours. Bonnie and Michael, I don’t think so. But as a weekly Family Law Matters thing that we bring to the public, this time of the year is the holiday season, let’s face it.

(0:35 – 0:50)
Some places we’re starting to hear the holiday music, certainly the stores are beginning to have the decorations. And that means that parents who are divorced are beginning to think about taking their vacation. I’m going here, she or he is going there.

(0:51 – 1:05)
This is a time that can be fraught with anger and all sorts of, I guess, debates and whatever about I’m taking the kid, no, I’m taking the kid. I wanna take the kid to Europe. No, you can’t leave.

(1:05 – 1:21)
What are you hearing right now? That’s a lot of what I’m hearing is that people wanna take, let’s say, usually if you have orders, you’ve divided up the holidays. One side gets half the winter break and the other side gets the other half of winter break. So that’s not usually the issues.

(1:21 – 1:52)
The issues center around, well, what time am I gonna get him on the day that I’m supposed to? Because now you wanna take them away and the plane doesn’t come in until four because we can’t control the plane schedule. And even though you have a court order that says you bring back by two, if you can’t get a plane, the whole point, the whole process seems to just increase the rancor and the anger between people. And while this is a difficult coordinating time, it is also supposed to be joyful.

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This is holiday time for your children, for your families, for you trying to start new, make new traditions, keep some old traditions. And then you’ve got all this muck in the middle. And I always try to tell people, try to be a little flexible.

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Yes, maybe it’ll short you 12 hours or a day, but your kids really wanna go to ski in Colorado and that’s a different state and they’re not gonna make it back exactly in time. And remember kids, I don’t know, I like opening up presents two days in a row or three days in a row, or it doesn’t have to be on the 25th. I ask parents to imagine this.

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Your children see you seething in anger, just raging at the dad or the mom. How dare you bring him back or her back four hours later than you’re supposed to. This is horrible, terrible.

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I can’t stand it, you’re a no good. What are you teaching your children? And people take a breath and step back. I know that Primus Family Law understands that it’s about closure.

(3:02 – 3:15)
It’s not about revenge. We also try to make sure everybody follows the rules and the orders that they have in place because they’re in place for a reason, Michael. The reason they’re in place is you couldn’t figure it out on your own.

(3:15 – 3:26)
So you needed a default and this is the default. And if you can’t agree to modify the default as to what may work for you for this particular holiday, you have the default. Stick to the default.

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So we will, as your attorneys and your advocates, make sure everybody sticks to the default. But if we can work to resolve and negotiate and make it easier for everybody to enjoy their holiday season, that’s what we like to do as well. So we just have a moment left, but many times what parents want is their way.

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And no matter what the orders say and what’s good for the kids and all that, at the end of the day, I want it my way. What do you do in a case like that where there becomes such rancor? Well, those are usually on the higher conflict scale and then you have a whole lot of other experts trying to figure out why you need to have your way. And one thing that I am good at helping people realize is what does it look like if it’s just a little less your way? It’s not their way, it’s not quite your way, but it’s some way in the middle.

(4:25 – 4:43)
So it hurts everybody just a little bit. That’s good stuff in family law. You ask any family law professional that really works in the trenches and that’s what we will tell you is if everybody loses a little bit, comes off there, must be this way, we’re doing the right thing.

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And if people want to learn more about how to do the right thing from you and your team at Primus Family Law Group, how can they be in touch? They can reach us directly at 619-574-8000, or they can reach us at www.primusfamilylaw.com. And you will get on my calendar for a free 30-minute phone consultation to see how Primus can help you with your holiday issues.