(0:00 – 2:52)
Hi everyone, I’m Dr. Michael Mantell. Welcome to Family Law Matters. I’m always privileged to be joining Bonnie Rabinovitch Mantel, who’s the owner and managing partner of the Primus Family Law Group.

Hi, Bonnie. Hi, Michael. How are you doing today? I’m doing fine.

I’m doing well. Guess why I’m doing well? Why are you doing well? Because I’m not sticking my head into social media. There’s problems with social media, Michael? Well, Bonnie, as we know, yes, there sure are problems with social media.

There was a study released just this week that found that 45% of adults, not divorced, not broken families, just average adults, say that they are worse off mentally in the last month that they’ve been. And another 38% say, as a result, they have physical symptoms. When asked about that, many of them say, social media is killing me.

Now, can you imagine what about children going through a crisis like divorce and how social media impacts them? And what about adults who get this information and that information about divorce and social media? What do you see in your practice, especially with parents talking about the impact of social media on their kids? Well, you know, Michael, what’s interesting about what you’re saying is that a lot of people don’t realize that social media, essentially, it never goes away. Well, you know, what you post out there, you may delete it, you may think you delete it, you may try to delete it, it’s not deleted, right? So you’ve got parents out there with a lot of, if they’re going through a contentious divorce, there’s a lot of emotional trauma. And then they go on social media and they can spew forth all sorts of nastiness.

Now, how that impacts is when you’re going through the process of divorce, and many people don’t realize this, you are not allowed to erase evidence. And electronically stored information, ESI, is social media, text messages, Instagram, Snapchat, all of those things, you can’t, once the proceedings are happening, just go, oh, I’m going to delete the fact that I called him or her or that or what, all of these names. You’re not allowed, that’s the destruction of evidence, which is a crime.

(2:52 – 3:10)
So a lot of people don’t realize, first of all, there’s that exposure. And then, Michael, they don’t also realize that as well as parental controls are out there, come on, the kids are smarter than we are, there’s no doubt. And if they want to find it, they’re going to find it.

(3:10 – 4:33)
And then you’ve got kids maybe bullying these small children because they’re finding things that parent A is saying about parent B. So as a caution, we tell our clients, first of all, you can’t delete anything, so you better be careful. Because judges will look at your social media postings to determine, are you willing to share? What kind of relationship are you going to promote? How facilitative are you? Because again, the overarching interest, as you know, Michael, is the best interest of the children. Right.

And then you have, you know, someone, parent who’s angry at the other parent or accuses the other parent of this or that, puts it on social media, and some kid’s friend sees it and says, hey, I heard your father, or hey, your mother. And that kid has to put his or her head down on a pillow that night. Yep.

And make believe they didn’t hear that or see that. Or deal with it, or all of a sudden it becomes their monkey when none of this is their monkey. So we have to, you know, have to, but it would be a good idea to help parents understand the real impact of, you know, we used to say loose lips sink ships, loose fingers sink life.

(4:34 – 4:41)
Yep. Your life, your children’s life, before you press enter. Or send.

(4:41 – 4:51)
Or send, whatever we press. Think about the impact of that on your child and on your life that night. Yep.

(4:52 – 5:30)
It doesn’t go away. And if anybody out there just takes that and it causes them to pause, to pause for that nanosecond to say, do I really need to do this? Then Michael, you and I have done something well today. Right.

And by the way, just to extend it one more notch, this goes for emails too. So if you send an email to a soon-to-be ex-spouse, what I like to call Stobex, soon-to-be ex, that doesn’t go away. Now your child may not see it, but it still stays there.

(5:30 – 5:49)
Your Honor, I want you to read this email that he sent to me. And by the way, once that email is entered into evidence and part of the court file, yep, the child can see it when they turn 18. We covered that, remember, last time as to the impact on the kids for the things that you say.

(5:49 – 5:57)
Yeah. So, you know, you say this all the time, put your children first. Practice the pause.

(5:58 – 6:08)
Think about how this is going to hurt the child. When someone says, I don’t give a damn. You may not give a damn at that moment, but boy, you will come to give a damn later.

(6:08 – 6:59)
Yep. Because it doesn’t really matter that you are going to post this because people are going to look and think, what’s wrong with him or her? Why do they post that? Yeah, that does happen. Funny, if people have questions about this and they want some help from you, how can they reach you to get more information about this? They can reach me directly at 619-574-8000.

And they will be put on my calendar for a free 30-minute phone consultation, or they can reach out to us online at our website in San Diego, www.primusfamilylaw.com. There’s a form you fill out and you will get on my calendar for that free 30-minute phone consultation.