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Hi everyone, welcome to Family Law Matters. I’m Dr. Michael Mantell, privileged as always to be joining Bonnie Rabinovitch Mantel, the owner and managing partner of Primus Family Law Group, a family-oriented firm where experience meets results. Hi, Bonnie.

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Hi, Michael. Thank you so much. That is very sweet.

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Well, it’s all true, of course. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be saying it. I understand you’ve got some questions today.

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Well, I do, Michael. In what I do, I don’t really meet with children. That is not who I represent.

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I represent parents of the children or parents getting divorced. I hear a lot about arguments about what the children want, what the children say. They tell one parent this, they tell one that.

They’re caught in the middle. That’s what I see. I know that a lot of your clients come to you are probably children, either from young age all the way through majority, who are subject to divorce proceedings.

Now, I know from what I hear, I believe the children must be going through some significant turmoil. I guess I’m wondering if you maybe have some pointers for my clients, based on your interactions with your children’s clients, on how they can do a little better. Right.

Well, yeah. I think the fact is that there’s no one way that all children necessarily react to a divorce, of course. Some kids react in very natural, understanding ways, and other kids, no, they react with a tremendous amount of struggle.

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Many kids are resilient, and with the right kind of approach from parents and family and friends, that transition can be an adjustment in life that they deal with. But for far too many kids, we see schoolwork taking a nosedive. We see a loss of interest in friends because they’re embarrassed to talk about this.

They can’t adapt to change too well. They become very emotionally sensitive, and they don’t want to share that or let on. Some kids present with tremendous anger at one parent or another, fear of uncertainty of what’s going to happen to them in life.

Some kids have guilt. This is all my fault, and they walk around with that. Some children become quite destructive, and it becomes really painful to see these children react to a divorce.

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And by the way, I also mentioned that the whole field of lifestyle medicine tells us the way we live our lives day to day impacts our health. So it’s not unusual for kids going through a divorce with their family to have health-related issues. And the last point I want to make real quickly is some children just say, you know what? The heck with marriage.

I have no faith in marriage. I’m not interested in ever getting married myself because it’s just going to fail. So what would you give parents going through a divorce? Because they too are going through this emotional turmoil.

What advice or maybe a few pointers would you be able to give these parents to help the children as well? Well, I would suggest that the first thing is something we share a lot. Put your kids first. I know you’re going through a lot of pain.

There was harm, there was this, there was that, and you feel like you need to lick your wounds and take time for self-care. But yourself is now your children. So number one, be sure that your children come way up on the list of your care and attention.

Number two, don’t hesitate to be open to talking about the difficulties you’re all feeling. Share your own feelings with your kids if you think they can handle it. If you think they can handle it.

If in doubt, talk with someone who’s had experience in working with children and families in this transitional period. Listen very carefully for the anger. This shouldn’t be happening.

This is terrible. I can’t stand this. Those are lies.

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We tell ourselves, as you know, adults tell themselves that, but children do as well. So if you see any signs at all, don’t wait for the end of school. Let’s see how he does.

Let’s see what happens after this. No, no, don’t wait. Better to be preventive before they fall off the hill and put an ambulance at the bottom of the hill.

Preventive lifestyle care is the way we go, especially in the area of emotional health and wellbeing. If in doubt, call someone and get some information. Well, you know, Michael, I, whenever in doubt and whenever clients come to me and need some sort of help like your life coaching, obviously I send them your way, but how can our listeners reach out to you if they have more questions? Well, very simple.

You can write to me at my email. I like to be the coach in your pocket. I practice a concierge available type of mental health coaching.

I’ve practiced psychology for decades before going into life coaching or positive approach. So people can write to me, Dr. Mantell, D-R-M-A-N-T-E-L-L at me, M-E dot com. Dr. Mantell, all one word at me.com. Or you can call me at my cell phone, 619-743-2555.

And we’ll spend some time chatting about your concerns. And if I can answer your questions quickly and easily, great. If we need to schedule some time, we can always do that as well.

That’s amazing, Michael. Thank you very much, Bonnie. I appreciate the opportunity to have the table flipped on me today.

Well, you know, it’s important. We’re two sides of an interesting coin and we need to help each other and help. You and I are both in the business of helping, but it works together.

That’s exactly right. We wake up with the desire to help. We go to sleep feeling good about what we’ve done in helping.

And these family law matters are such a way to get nuggets of help. So we will see you next time for another Family Law Matters, Bonnie. Thank you.

Bye, Michael. Bye-bye.