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Hello everyone and welcome to another Family Law Matters. I’m Dr. Michael Mantell and as always I’m privileged to be joining Bonnie Rabinovitch-Mantel, owner and managing partner of the Primus Family Law Group, a family-oriented firm where experience meets results. Hi, Bonnie.
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Hi, Michael. How are you doing today? I’m doing great. Well, here we are.
It’s another year. I know. We hope a healthier, more peaceful one.
It’s been a long year and yet it seems like it just flew by. It sure does. For many people though, this flight has been quite turbulent and seat belts and all the rest and warnings haven’t been enough.
January is typically a month that surges in divorce filings with people recognizing that they want a fresh start in life and perhaps this year more than any in our lifetimes, people want that new beginning. Are you beginning to get that sense? I mean, you’ve been in practice for so many years, you see it every year, but are people already knocking on the door? Well, you know, Michael, it has been a really tough year and because of the quarantine situation and the ongoing shutdowns that have happened, it’s thrown people together a lot more than they were used to and relationships that were already struggling, this brought them to the brink. Yeah, we are seeing more filings because it even started before the holidays were completely over in the sense that people who just can’t do it another year, won’t do it another year, finally realized it’s probably better for everybody if they don’t have another, you know, outwardly happy, inwardly unhappy holiday.
So that being said, we’ve seen a little bit more of an uptick as a result of that and then coming into January, you know, people are done or they’ve done their last holiday. They’ve stuck it out as long as they could and now they too want a fresh start. So if people have a New Year’s resolution, if you will, to get out of an unhealthy, harming relationship, marriage, leading to getting things started in January, what’s the picture look like currently from the Primus Family Law Group perspective? Are people getting back into court? I know you’re busy writing filings, but what’s the picture actually look like? Well, we’re still not back in court.
It’s still Zoom. I mean, obviously, you and I are doing this virtually still. So there’s still, you know, virtual hearings.
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But what it looks like is the court system has gotten itself pretty well handled with respect to the electronic filings. So we are finally seeing hearings in the normal speed of things and we are finally seeing resolutions happen in the normal speed of things. So if you’re truly done, and when I say truly done, you know, it is also every attorney’s ethical obligation to say, if you think that you can use some therapy or some other method other than a divorce to save your marriage, please exhaust every possibility first.
But once you are truly done, reach out to your attorney, look at, you know, Avvo, look at LinkedIn, look at our Primus page, come reach out and, you know, for whoever you hire, get legal advice as to how you need to start this process. I can give you some tips on what to expect when you do that. And Michael, you want us to go through that? Yeah, exactly.
I was just going to ask you, what are some specific steps, a few specific steps that you can share with people who are going through this? They have been thinking, it wasn’t a spur of the moment thing. Let’s see, what can my New Year’s resolution, you know, I thought, no, they’ve been thinking about this and going through a difficult time for quite a period. Maybe they tried to hold it together during the holidays for kids.
We’ll talk about that perhaps in another Family Law Matters edition. But what tips do you have for people who are filing right now, the beginning of January? Well, you know, if it’s the beginning of January, one thing that’s good about that is that you do have a year’s worth of your financial documents. So before I get there, the first thing to do is find an attorney who has the same goals, the same way of proceeding with your case.
You know, we’re a lot of attorneys in San Diego. There are a lot of family law attorneys and there are different ways of practicing. If you want someone who is just going to beat down the other side, that’s one kind of attorney.
If you want someone who’s going to, you know, advocate for your rights, but still keep things on as amicable a level as possible, especially if you have children, that’s another kind of attorney. I don’t know, maybe you and your spouse are able to do mediation. Maybe you guys want to do this together, you know, for the sake of either yourselves, your own mental health, or your children.
We have that as well. So when first planning how to do this properly, you need to find an attorney that makes sense for you. Once you do that, you need to recognize that you’re the best witness to your own life.
We don’t know what’s going on. You have to partner with your attorney and provide them all the information. You need to be as transparent as possible.
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We’re not about judging. We’re about getting you from here, the beginning of your case to the end of your case, so you can actually move on. And so in order to do that, we need to have all your information, be it personal, be it, you know, what you want to share about your divorce, your financial, all of that.
So recognize that you have all that information, or at least have access to it. And being a partner with your attorney is very important. Number three, gather that information.
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You don’t have to just wait till you hire an attorney. You know you have 12 months of bank statements for all your accounts. You can get your pay stubs.
You can get your year-end pay stub. Just your year-end pay stub has everything on it to start the process. You know, you can, you’re going to get your W-2s very shortly, or your 1099s.
Those are things that your attorney needs. Your tax returns. You probably haven’t filed 2020 yet, obviously, but by this time, you certainly have filed 2019 and 2018.
You know you have those. Bring those. If you have your spouse’s pay stub, bring it.
So those financial informations, your investments, you know, what’s going on with your home, a mortgage statement, a loan statement for your car. These are all the basics. It’s just basic financial documentation.
Promise you your attorney will ask for a lot more, but that’s okay. At least you start with something. You’re on the path.
So that would be number three. Number four is have a discussion with your spouse that you’re going to, you’re going to proceed. Don’t surprise them.
That does nothing for the mental health of your case, because when you surprise them, they get very upset, and that starts the case off on a very negative foot. The more we can calm it down, the better it is for myself, your attorney, yourself, your kids. It helps the situation.
That would be the four. Number five, do things for yourself. Okay, this is going to be a very stressful ride.
Your attorney is there to make it less stressful for you, but it’s going to be stressful. So do things for yourself, be it go to the gym, go to walks, find a therapist. A therapist is probably a really good thing to do to start.
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Doesn’t have to be every week, just maybe even check in, but it’s really important for some self-help during this time. Five tips. Those are five tips.
They’re your brilliant, wonderful five tips, and I hope that if you were listening carefully, you heard at least several that jumped out at you and gave you a mid-course correction. I’d like to highlight something if I can, and that is that this is a very difficult and stressful time. What time? COVID time, the beginning of the year time, the end of the year time, or divorce, or all of that put together.
I would urge people to understand that life is not put some space between. Okay, let’s see what ending I choose. Maybe a single session coaching is an answer.
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Therapy sounds scary to a lot of people, Bonnie. Therapy is for people who have psychiatric difficulties. Maybe a single session coaching may just be enough to give people a chance to catch your breath and then come to you as an attorney properly prepared, not ready for high conflict, but for something that’s manageable.
I wonder what you think about that. You know what? I apologize. Sometimes I choose to speak like a person and not necessarily like an attorney, so I use vernacular.
When I said therapy, I actually meant the umbrella of self-care, whatever that is, because therapy doesn’t mean a therapist, or it could mean a therapist, a life coach, your best friend. It could mean going to the gym. I can honestly tell you that working out is my therapy.
It could be going on walks with your dog. Anything that gives you, hey, playing the apps that have calm or soothing, whatever it is that gives you, like you say, Michael, that pause between acting and doing. It could be a clergy person for lots of folks.
It could be sitting down talking to a priest, minister, rabbi. What we’re advising is this is a difficult time. This time, again, end of year, beginning of year, COVID, everything going on, and now divorce.
We understand this is an emotional journey, and when you have rock-solid attorneys like the Primus Family Law Group behind you, they’re going to help you through this and get through some of those rocks. Bonnie, this was a wonderful edition of Family Law Matters. If people want to be in touch to get more information about Primus Family Law Group, your attorneys, your paralegals want to speak to you for a half-hour free consultation, how do they do that? Well, you can reach out to us at www.PrimusFamilyLaw.com. We have an informational form that you guys can fill out, and it gets to us, and we set up that free 30-minute telephone consultation.
You can call us directly, 619-574-8000, and Malani, our amazing front office person, will get you on our calendar. We have amazing attorneys, Amy West, Koryn Shepard, Kimberly Seoule, and myself, Bonnie Mantel, and we do the best job of trying to keep everybody moving forward in this very stressful system.