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Hi everyone, I’m Dr. Michael Mantell with another edition of Family Law Matters. And I’m privileged as always to be with Bonnie Rabinovich-Mantel, the owner and managing partner of the Primus Family Law Group. Hi Bonnie.

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Hi Michael, how are you doing today and happy new year? Let’s talk about resetting. Everyone is gonna reset something in this quote new year. And I think especially when it comes to family law matters and especially when it comes to divorce, separation, we are resetting our mind first.

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We’re resetting our behaviors towards family members. We’re resetting our thoughts about finances, about our careers, where we’re living. And you’re really in the center of all of that for so many families.

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What’s your experience about how families are resetting in the midst of divorce in this new year? Well, you know, new years, as they say, is often a time for people to make resolutions. I call them quotations because more often than not, we don’t follow through with them. But what is interesting about people going through this kind of divorce or separation or whatever they’ve had to do custody battle, it seems to be that, you know, when the new year starts, they want to make different changes in their life because it is the end of something that was, and regardless of whether or not you liked it, wanted it, thought it would be easier than it has been, it is still the beginning of something else.

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And even as attorneys, when it gets to that point, we try to explain to our clients, you know, that a positive spin on this can help with the healing process that is divorce separation or any litigation battle, custody or otherwise. That if you can focus on it’s a new year, yes, you know, you have to rethink because what you had is one house, two incomes is not gonna be the same as two houses, those same incomes, especially with COVID and whether or not people have, you know, lost jobs, regained jobs, been able to find work. This is a time for making a positive step forward and trying very hard to reset your thinking.

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You’re thinking about what your personal arena is gonna look like while you continue to take one step forward. It’s like, I don’t know if you see the Christmas children shows, I watch them every year. I don’t have young children.

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I am not ashamed. It is what I do. But there’s one Christmas one with Santa Claus is coming to town.

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And there’s a song about taking one foot in front of the other, just put one foot in front of the other and you will see that the changes will come and it will be better. You know, I think that so much of this comes back to something that I’ve read somewhere, the link is what you think or something. Oh, nice plug, Michael.

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But amazon.com, you can buy the book. Stop it, Michael. But in any case, no, but on a serious note, we’re making a very, very big commotion about uncertainty, turning a new page.

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And I’m talking about COVID. When it comes to divorce, that is even a larger set of challenges. And so much of it is very real.

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There is an adaptation to less income if you’re paying out alimony and child support, less time with children. You use the phrase custody battle. And I’ll bet you if we were to Google custody or hashtag custody, we’d see custody battle show up more times than just custody.

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So there is a lot of reality. You said this one foot in front of the other. I think part of that is accepting, not resigning to, not submitting, not liking necessarily, but cooperating with the change.

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Fighting it isn’t gonna get you anywhere. So what kind of advice are you giving people that helps people deal with some of these gargantuan changes, real life changes that are taking place? We try, well, advice. Being an attorney, it’s not necessarily our purview to get into the lives, like the personal lives of our clients.

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But however, one thing about Primus is we do care. So when you spend so much time working on clients’ cases, and you’re looking at their finances, and you’re seeing what the division’s going to do, I mean, we do it so much that it’s not hard to see the trees that are happening in that forest. And so what we try to do is we try to explain to our clients, take a moment for self-care.

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I mean, look, nothing’s open right now, right? With COVID and what’s going on, you’ve got a limited ability to do things. But what has also happened is there’s a lot of online opportunities. You can do yoga.

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You can do gym workouts. You can do, you know, there’s apps for meditation. There’s things that you do that, you know, find an hour three times a week to do something for yourself.

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It sounds difficult, but if you just, again, take that first step, find 15 minutes at first, you know, to sit down and play on your phone without being interrupted by anybody. Sometimes, you know, I’m sure there are a lot of parents out there and you may close yourself in the bathroom, may not have to go to the bathroom, but you close yourself in the bathroom to give yourself 20 minutes of you time, you know, in the midst of everything that’s going on. So a lot of self-care and part of self-care is looking at what you can do to be more self-reliant.

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For example, you know, a lot of people are paying alimony, spousal support, child support, receiving child support, and everybody finds out that depending what you work and what your income is, it’s gonna change those numbers. But part of being a productive member of society and being a good role model to your children and feeling good about yourself is the ability to go out and get a job and work for yourself and bring in your own. And that’s part of self-care.

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Primus Family Law, I know, focuses on seeking closure, not revenge, excuse me. And we always say that divorce is the end of a marriage. It’s not the end of your world or your life.

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So much of this comes back to the way we do think about these changes. Everyone who goes through divorce, a separation, whatever it might be like that, will face these adversities you’re talking about, but not everyone succumbs to them. And I think that with your care, with your expertise, with the vast experience that you and your team bring, you can help people re-imagine, re-think, re-set their approach to the next chapter of their lives.

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So thank you very much for all that insight and advice. I’m sure that many people need that kind of uplifting inspiration right now. So thanks, Bonnie.

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If people wanna get in touch with you for more information and inspiration, how can they do that? They can reach us at www.primusfamilylaw.com or directly by phone at 619-574-8000. And we do offer a free 30 minute phone consultation so that we can see how we can best assist you in your matter.