(0:00 – 0:15)
Hi everyone, I’m Dr. Michael Mantell with another Family Law Matters. Always an honor to be with Bonnie Rabinovitch Mantel, the owner and managing partner of the Primus Family Law Group. Hi Bonnie.

(0:16 – 0:52)
Hi Michael, how are you doing? Very well, thank you. We have a topic today that is not the easiest to talk about and people don’t like to talk about it, but we do need to talk about it and that is domestic violence. Especially during this time of quarantine and people in the houses, in their homes, people aren’t going out, kids at home, they’re in school, they’re not in school, social connections are through Zoom, people are feeling tense and irritable and angry and more.

(0:53 – 1:11)
Would you please define domestic violence from a family law perspective? Well, you know, Michael, it’s very broad. We’re trying to protect to the best extent possible. So it is very broad.

(1:11 – 1:30)
It could be texting somebody, you know, several times a day, every day. It could be cyber stalking, looking on people’s Facebook, trolling. It can be, you know, people putting trackers on cars.

(1:30 – 1:52)
It can be trying to get into your email. It’s anything that makes you, the recipient, feel fearful for their health and safety. And so being tracked or even as mild as the texting, I mean, I don’t say that’s mild, but even as distant from the person.

(1:52 – 1:59)
A lot of people feel domestic violence has to be just the imminent physical harm. And that is not true. It’s emotional harm.

(2:00 – 2:26)
It’s all of the things that can make you feel fearful. And of course it needs to be taken, you know, there are boundaries with that as well. But those people who are experiencing it, sometimes they don’t even know it for a really long time because it’s become either normalized or they don’t think it’s that bad based on the old sense of domestic violence is.

(2:27 – 2:42)
And so if it is bad and you’re feeling stress and anxiety, you know, time to reach out. Right. I think when we talk about the term domestic violence, people think, well, it’s not really violent.

(2:43 – 3:28)
And what you’re saying is if you feel unsafe, that’s the ticket. And now when someone, husband or wife or child, feels unsafe and they’re a client of yours, a Primus Family Law Group, what’s the advice you have for your clients? What should they do? Well, it’s also, it’s our ethical duty to try to help these people find a way out in the sense of, you know, I’m telling you if you’re ever in this, if you are in this situation, if your children have witnessed this, if it is bad, if it’s all encompassing, if you just are feeling unsafe, there’s several online. I know a lot of commercials, I’ve heard it in the business.

(3:28 – 3:45)
There are a lot of ways you can reach out online so it can be done when you’re safe to do it. If not, there’s still a lot of shelters open that will take you in. You’ve got to reach out to somebody and try to get out.

(3:45 – 4:11)
Friend, distant friend, acquaintance, work, where, you know, all these people are, wanna help. And so you’ve got to reach out and try to get out and then reach out to an attorneys who can get legal processes for you like restraining orders that are necessary to protect yourself and your children. I’ve heard it said that restraining orders don’t always work.

(4:11 – 4:25)
It’s just something that’s out there, may make you feel more comfortable, but obviously a restraining order doesn’t really protect. You’ve mentioned shelters. You’ve mentioned a friend.

(4:25 – 4:47)
In other words, leaving the situation if you really need to protect yourself. Where does law enforcement come into this? Do you suggest your clients contact the police? Absolutely. If this is going on, if you are being abused in any way, shape or form, yes, contact the police, try to get out and when you say that restraining orders don’t work, that’s not true.

(4:47 – 5:17)
You see a restraining order is a legal process where the person is actually court ordered to stay usually a hundred yards from you. And so if they violate that, you call the police and they will be arrested. Where it doesn’t work is when people are playing games with restraining orders and trying to get them as custodial advantages or, you know, just games people play in breaking up.

(5:17 – 5:45)
And that’s where it dilutes the effectiveness. But when you really need it and you need to call the police because somebody has violated it, they will be arrested. Unfortunately, as you know, no law is a hundred percent perfect and you, you know, if somebody wants to reach you and they don’t care about being arrested, that’s one extreme, but in most cases it is effective.

(5:45 – 5:52)
So don’t lose your right to one because you think maybe it won’t work. It works. Right.

(5:52 – 6:10)
From an emotional perspective, one of the things that I find in working with clients in discussing this issue of domestic violence is the false, the erroneous idea. Well, I haven’t been so nice to him. Maybe I deserve this bad treatment.

(6:11 – 6:23)
Nonsense. Nobody, and this is your point, nobody ought to be tolerating behavior that is abusive in any way. Absolutely.

(6:23 – 6:33)
And if people- Sorry, it’s not, I know it’s a, you know, the way we speak, but it’s not just him as the perpetrator. Believe it. I know, you know, I get it.

(6:33 – 7:06)
We’re of similar generations, but remember that because I don’t want, you know, men to feel like they can’t reach out and get help because who’s going to believe them? We believe them as well. And when a man feels that he’s the victim of domestic violence or abuse in some way, sometimes he feels embarrassed to come out and say that. And I think, again, your point and your team’s point of Promise Family Law Group is, no, there’s no difference.

(7:07 – 7:34)
No one deserves to be mistreated, whether it’s, you know, a gentle nudge or all the way up to domestic violence. Promise Family Law Group, you’re saying, is there to help people get the help they need to protect themselves. And if they do want to talk with you further about this and make a call to you, how can they be in touch with you? They can reach us directly at the office at 619-574-8000.

(7:35 – 8:01)
And we will get them on our calendar for a free 30 minute phone consultation to see how we can best help. And if they need to reach out another way, if they can reach us on through our website, we have a contact form. It’s primusfamilylaw.com. You can also reach us through email at info at primusfamilylaw.com. And again, reach out to the resources.

(8:02 – 8:10)
If this is happening, please don’t wait another day. Don’t live another day like that. Thanks very much, Bonnie, for your sensitivity and your expertise.

(8:11 – 8:16)
We’ll see you soon with another Family Law Matters. Thanks. Have a great day, Michael.