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Bonnie Mantel here for another Family Law episode. We’re glad you guys keep tuning in. Once again, we are pleased to have Tanner Songer with us.

He is our senior paralegal and he is an amazing asset to our law firm. Couldn’t have anybody better. One of the things we want to talk about today, Tanner, is I get a lot of questions as to how come you make me follow the rules, but my spouse doesn’t have to.

Does that ever happen to you when you’re working and dealing with clients? Yes, it happens fairly commonly where one parent is trying to be cooperative and the other parent does not, especially we’ve seen a lot of it over the course of the pandemic where people were trying to use the pandemic as leverage maybe over one parent over the other. How could you use the pandemic as leverage? Just by saying that because of the pandemic or, you know, their nervousness about getting sick or something like that, they don’t want the child to leave their house and therefore they can’t visit with the other parent because they might have been, they might be exposed to something while they’re out and about. We’ve seen a lot of that over the last few months.

Now that things are starting to resolve with the pandemic, of course, it’s not probably going to be such an issue. Well, what’s the latest thing people are now playing the games? Well, recently we’ve been seeing because it’s the summertime and people are going on summer vacations and it kind of disrupts the normal visitation custody schedules that people have. It causes disruption and then people are not being as cooperative as they may have otherwise been or, you know, they’re wanting to take their vacation time with the children and they want to cut into the other parent’s time or not cooperate when the other parent wants to take a vacation themselves, not giving proper notice to each other, that type of thing.

So what is proper notice usually? Explain how it works. Generally, we see it as like 30 days. You’re supposed to give the other parent probably at least 30 days of written notice that you’re going to go on a vacation.

You intend to go on a vacation with the children. And, you know, a lot of times people don’t do that or one parent will do it and the other parent, when they want to take their vacation, they won’t have done it. And then our clients who we made follow the rules is upset that all of a sudden the other parent isn’t following the rules and they want to know why.

So how do you handle it? I mean, how do you handle it if the parent, if the other parent has an attorney? Let’s start with that way. Generally, hopefully the other parent will have an attorney. So of course, we’ll reach out to them and work with them to, you know, to get the situation sorted out and, you know, and remind them that our client followed the rules when it was their turn to take a vacation and, you know, stress that we’re willing to work with them.

But if they’re not going to cooperate, then we may have to involve the courts in some sort of like, you know, ex parte request. And when you say ex parte, you mean an emergency, like having to go to court the next couple of days so that a judge is going to have to make a decision on the vacation? Yes. Yeah.

An emergency hearing, potentially, depending on the circumstances. Of course, that’s best avoided because it’s an expensive process. So we always just encourage everybody to be as cooperative as possible.

And do you follow the same kind of process when the person doesn’t have an attorney? You try to reach out and see if you can’t resolve it? Yes, absolutely. Generally, the attorney handles a lot of that. So I’m not directly involved in that phone call usually, but that’s what we do.

Yes. And so when the courts have to get involved, so that causes obviously more friction and more stress. And do you think like by doing this, this is helping the kids in the case get through the process? Usually not.

No, it’s not helping the children. Parents, you know, most parents do a pretty good job trying to keep their children out of these things. But the stress of going to court will be apparent, you know, it shows through on the parents’ faces and stuff.

They’re stressed out, they’re worried. And that definitely carries over to the children and causes problems and unneeded stress and anxiety for them, especially when the parents are not, especially if the parents are directly involving the children. We’ve seen some of that recently where they’re asking the children to either talk to the parent or try to intervene, which should never happen.

That’s got to be very difficult to see happening, especially for the parent who is not doing this. Correct. Yes.

So I guess what the takeaway we could say here, everybody out there, look, we all understand that summer’s coming and we want to take vacation. And especially now that the world is reopening, you know, with COVID, hopefully at bay, try to be a little bit considerate, right, Tanner, to what’s going on with the other house. We understand that people don’t always get along and that, you know, co-parenting is hard and especially when you and your ex don’t get along.

But remember the children and there’s enough time in the summer for everybody to take vacation so that you’re not tripping over other people and then having to spend more money to go to court and let somebody else decide it. Absolutely. Well, thank you, Tanner, for that insight, because it’s important for people out there to know that, you know, us attorneys, we’re working with you, but we’re probably not going to put up with those who try to play the rules fast and loose.

So if you want to know how to reach us and work through some of these issues, you can reach us at 619-574-8000 or reach us through our online portal at www.PrimusFamilyLaw.com. Thank you, Tanner, for coming today. I always appreciate things you have to say because you really are an amazing asset. Oh, you’re welcome.

Thank you. Have a great rest of your day. Have a great day.

Bye.