(0:00 – 1:45)
Hi everyone, I’m Dr. Michael Mantell. Welcome to another edition of Family Law Matters. I’m privileged to be joining Bonnie Rabinovich-Mantel, who is the owner and managing partner of the Primus Family Law Group, a family-oriented firm where experience meets results.

Hi Bonnie. Hi Michael, that’s such a nice introduction, thank you. And we are joined with our amazing Kimberly Soule, our 2021 rising star.

She is an amazing asset to our law firm and she’s in the process of becoming a certified family law specialist. She also works with children at our office. We’re so lucky to have her.

Hi everybody. Hi Kimberly, good to have you. So nice to be here.

We deal in a world that’s fraught with adversity. Very rarely do relationships or marriages end and everyone’s just thrilled and happy. Get back to where you once belonged is more than a Beatles lyric.

And so I thought today we’d talk a little bit about how you handle the end of a relationship, the end of a marriage. It might seem as if everything important is at stake, finances and children and assets, not to mention peace of mind. It’s easy to feel as if life is completely out of control, but when we have two superstar attorneys in this arena of family law, you bring a lot of calm to the situation.

(1:45 – 2:50)
Let’s talk about that. Bonnie, what do you see as some of the biggest friction points that people need calming in this time of their life? It’s a very stressful time when you’re going through the breakup of any relationship or having to restructure your life, reorganizing your children, if you’ve got that. So one thing that we say, and we’re not therapists, our clients really want us to do our job.

And sometimes while we say we’re not therapists, we’re also empathetic human beings. And all of us at Primus have gone through or been touched by some form of what we do in our personal lives. So from a personal perspective, what we can say is, you know, self-care.

There’s nothing wrong with taking a moment or an hour or an evening and just doing for yourself. And it doesn’t have to be expensive, right, Kim? I mean, it could be glamping. It could be staying at home and reading a book.

(2:51 – 3:55)
Or regular camping, Bonnie. It doesn’t have to be glamping. No, but I agree.

It’s all about self-care and it’s all about putting your children first and making sure your children are also cared for and that they’re doing okay. And if your kids have to get into some sort of therapy or something like that, make sure you do that and make sure you listen to their needs as well. What you both are saying about self-care and compassion, self-compassion, putting your needs first is so important.

And I know that sometimes that you will emphasize that to a client that you’re not alone. It may feel that way. Oh, I don’t want to be alone.

And I know you say you’re not alone. Reconnect with people, get back into life, whether it’s with kids or other family or friends. That’s an important element, isn’t it? It’s amazing how when you’re doing the same thing over and over every day, you seem to forget or ignore some of the things that you used to love to do and that just have fallen by the wayside.

(3:56 – 4:50)
And this is a great time to scratch your head and say, what did I used to like to do that I never had any time for? Because I was running around doing everything for everybody else and maybe find those things and they can help you through this time as well. Because like Kimberly said, when we’re trying to tell our clients that not only do they have to put their children first, but themselves first, if your kids see that you’re coping with what’s going on and the chaos that’s happening and outside of you, and you’re still able to function and do for yourself and show that you’re still able to take care of yourself, kids are going to learn a lot from that. And that’s going to be wonderful for them, maybe save them a few years of therapy in the future when they learn some of these skills now rather than, I don’t know, older.

(4:51 – 6:33)
Kimberly, what about for people who don’t have children? They are going to be single, they’re living without family. What words of wisdom do you have for those folks when they say, I’m alone, I don’t like it and so forth? Find a hobby, find something that you like to do, whether it’s an old hobby or a new hobby, reconnect with some of your friends and family members. I mean, no one’s alone, you always have a support system.

Connect with people that like to play the same sport or the same activity and you’ll find things that you have in common with these people and that helps out a lot. Danny DeVito, in his classic film, The War of the Roses, to paraphrase, he said, there’s no winning, only degrees of losing. And especially when it comes to litigation, there’s no winning, there’s only degrees of losing.

So I like to help people let go of what they were holding onto in order to reach for something new. And that’s a lot of what you folks do in your work at Primus Family Law. If people want to be in touch and get some more advice and guidance and input, how can they reach you? Well, you can always reach us by phone at 619-574-8000.

And we do offer a free 30-minute phone consultation to see how we can help you with your case. And you can always reach us online at www.primusfamilylaw.com. Kimberly Soule, Bonnie Rabinovich-Mantel, it’s great to have you on another edition of Family Law Matters. See you next time.