Hi everyone, welcome to Family Law Matters. I’m Dr. Michael Mantell, and I’m privileged to be joining each week the highly esteemed Bonnie Rabinovitch Mantel, owner and managing partner of the Primus Family Law Group. Hi Bonnie.
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Hi Michael, how are you doing today? I’m doing great, how are you doing? I’m doing really well. Let’s see that t-shirt you’re wearing. You mean my Primus t-shirt? Oh, that’s terrific.
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How do we all get that merch? Feel free to call us and we’ll let you know. Okay, so, you know, you mentioned call us. I know that people can reach you for a free 30 minute consultation, and we’ll talk about how they can do that.
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One of the topics that is on the mind, I think of many people who divorce is, is this the right time? Should I quote, pull the trigger? Now let’s put that in quotes when we’re talking about divorce. We mean, should I jump ahead? Should I file now? Should I wait? Lots of people think, maybe I should just keep trying and keep trying. I don’t wanna, you know, do this out of anger.
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You have clients who call you. How do you talk with them about that? Well, first of all, Michael, it is very important to understand that as divorce attorneys, we’re actually ethically bound not to try to push people into divorce. So that is not what we’re allowed to do, and it’s not what Primus wants to do.
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So if somebody calls me and they’re, you know, what do I do? Obviously I cannot make a decision for an adult. You guys are adults, you gotta make your own decision. But I always ask if they’ve tried, you know, therapy or coaching or visited their pastor, you know, let’s try every way before we actually cut that cord.
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It’s only once they tell me, no, we’ve tried that, that didn’t work, we’re done. Then it’s, well, if you’re done, you know, you have an obligation to yourself, to your spouse and to your children to actually move on. Because while that break can be painful, like any scar, any wound, it does heal and the family ends up being better.
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It’s important for yourself to be happy, which then, you know, affects your children. They learn to see what a good relationship is, what a bad relationship is, what they’re not gonna put up with, what they will work through. You’re teaching them all of this stuff while they’re watching you.
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So if you’re in a bad or abusive relationship and you stay, what does that tell your children? Now, as much as you just let, you know, you’re angry with, you’re no longer in love with your spouse, it’s important to let them go as well. Because if they’re happier in their future, they’re gonna be better parents and more effective co-parents. So while you think, oh my God, I’m destroying the family, if you look at it as an opportunity to make a happier future, that’s what I tell people on the phone.
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That’s terrific, that’s terrific. And it aligns so fully with what I help couples do. And I help them understand that the way you came into the marriage, which was with happiness and hope and positivity and in dreams of something good coming down the road.
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It’s important when you make the decision to divorce as difficult as it sounds to make that decision the same way. Because when you make the decision, this is a good decision, this is a positive decision that I’m making in my life, for my life, for my children’s life, for our future life. That means that the relationship that will come down the road is a much healthier one, much, much less antagonistic, much, not high, I should say, not high conflict, but a healthier resolution.
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It makes the divorce process an easier one, doesn’t it? It can. Now let’s not live in fairy tales and bubbles. Okay, the usual way things go is that people get emotionally fraught.
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This is very, very traumatic, dramatic, emotional. So I’m not sitting here as a certified family law specialist and going, it’s rainbows and unicorns. You’re gonna fight, you’re gonna disagree.
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That’s how you got here anyway. And you’re gonna fight and disagree throughout the process. How much, for how long, and the damage you do to yourself and your children obviously depends on you and the attorney you choose.
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Because I find, people find like-minded attorneys. If you wanna settle, if you wanna resolve, you’re gonna find an attorney that knows how to litigate if we have to do and we do it well, but is also mindful of the other possibilities versus anger, recrimination, and rancor, that’s gonna lead to a different kind of litigation. You create a culture of collaboration and a highly personalized approach.
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I think that, let me be frank. Some attorneys like the fight because it just stretches out those billable hours. That’s not something that I have seen in your team.
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And I just think it’s important that that gets out there. So if people do wanna connect with you for a consultation without charge, how can they do that? Well, you can reach us directly at 619-574-8000. And Malani will put you on my calendar for that free phone consultation to see how we can help you.
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And, or you can reach us online at www.primusfamilylaw.com. Terrific. Bonnie, thanks for another wonderfully helpful Family Law Matters. We’ll see you next week.