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Hello everyone, I’m Dr. Michael Mantell welcoming you to another Family Law Matters with Bonnie Rabinovitch-Mantel, owner and managing partner of the Primus Family Law Group. Hi Bonnie. Hi Michael, how are you doing this fine January day? I’m doing great, we can’t complain about weather here in San Diego, the rest of the country maybe not so much, but speaking of weather, January is moving through, the holidays are in the rear view mirror, I can sort of see them up there, looking forward through the windshield, lots of people have been holding on to their family relationships, their marriages through the holidays and they made a promise to themselves that once the holidays are over and everything settles down, that’s the time for me to move forward in my life, not end anything but my marriage.

So what are you finding right now, January, the end of January is where we’re coming up to, what are you seeing as people call and say, I’ve made the decision, please help? You know, what we’re seeing is a lot of guilt at this time of year, you know, you just had the holidays, like you said, you sucked it up and you held it together and now you’re feeling guilty, or at least the people we’re talking to are feeling guilty about making that change for themselves, they’re feeling it’s selfish, you know, especially if you have children and you think you’re doing everybody a disservice by trying to be happy yourself, and while we’re not therapists, you know, we’re attorneys, we do spend some time explaining to our potentials that you have a right, A, to be self-caring, not selfish, but self-caring, and your children have a right to see their parent as a role model, choose to be happy, and being happy will be better for everybody, including the significant other that you may be leaving behind as, you know, unfortunately, that’s just the word, because once everything is less difficult and less angst-oriented, it calms down for everybody, especially your kids, and then you’re able to make new traditions and new positive change and, you know, your kids can realize that just because you choose a path doesn’t mean it is always that path, you have a right to change directions as your life changes. Yeah, Bonnie, you know that I talk a lot about helping people become less disturb-able, and when people have guilt about a decision, ending a marriage, moving forward in life, picking up and moving to a different place, a new career, whatever it may be, if there’s guilt, there’s one word behind that thought about that change, and that is, I should or should not, and what you’re saying to your clients is this is not about a should or shouldn’t, this is about recognizing what’s in your best interest and the best interest, if they’re children, of the children, so how can I move forward in a divorce in a healthy way, and that’s one of the things that your family-oriented culture really promotes, how to help people move forward in a healthy way, so in that first phone call that people will make to you, and you hear that guilt, that should, I shouldn’t be doing this, it’s awful, this is terrible, I’m no good for doing this, you must spend a fair amount of time not being a therapist, but certainly supporting and helping people. Yes, because that is part of what we’re doing, it is our ethical duty to make sure that the person has tried all different avenues to save that marriage or that relationship, including therapy or going to their religious help, but then once they have made the decision, it is up to us to take them down that path, and we try to alleviate from that first call, I try to give people a sense of we can take this on our shoulders, this is what we do, so your job is to go and do what you do, which is including being a parent and whatever job you do during the day, if it’s homemaker or outside of the home, that’s your job, our job is to take this legal stuff off of your plate, because it looks like it’s just a bunch of forms, but it’s not, and there’s no reason to get down that rabbit hole if you don’t have the legal expertise, right, I mean, I’m not going in to do surgery on myself, that would be somewhat silly, so let us take some of that stress off you, because it is a very stressful situation, and help you through it, hopefully with the least amount of trauma drama, as I like to call it.

Right, you seek closure, you help people find closure, not revenge, you help people understand that divorce is not the end of the world, it’s the end of marriage, that’s something that I believe is rare, and that’s why it’s a privilege to work with the Primus Family Law Group. If people want to be in touch with you for a free 30-minute consultation, tell us how they can arrange that. Well, you can reach out directly to us at 619-574-8000, and Malani will be pleased to put you on my calendar for a 30-minute phone consultation, or you can reach out to us online at www.primusfamilylaw.com, and there’s a form you can fill out, and we will reach back out to you.

Sounds terrific, Bonnie, another very sensitive and informative Family Law Matters. Thanks so much, and let’s hope that as people move forward, they understand this is something they’re doing for them, for the right reasons, and with your support and help, they’re moving in the right direction. See you next week.

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Have a great one, Michael.