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Hi everyone and welcome to another Family Law Matters. I’m Dr. Michael Mantell joining Bonnie Rabinovitch-Mantel who is the owner and managing partner of the Primus Family Law Group. Hi Bonnie.

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Hi Michael, how are you doing? Doing well. Another beautiful day here in San Diego. Bonnie, one of the questions that we’ve gotten is about children’s rights and choosing who they want to live with and who they may not want to live with.

This is something that we see, unfortunately, pop up in divorce and separation. What’s your experience in terms of how this is determined? Well, children up to the age of 14 don’t have a say in the sense that we’re talking about regular divorces, there’s no domestic violence, there’s no abuse, we’re not talking special circumstances. Regular people getting divorced, both parents are presumed fit, the children don’t have a say.

The court will determine what’s in the best interest of the children if the parents can’t come to an agreement themselves. Obviously, it’s better when parents who know their children come to an agreement themselves, but sometimes, as you well know, people get in their own way, and they aren’t always able to see the forest for the trees, so they need the court to help them with that. In that case, all sorts of circumstances will be taken into account, but unfortunately, the children are not going to be able to testify and say which parent they want to live with, and that’s done for their best interest because they’re not yet cooked, they’re not yet fully baked, and they don’t often know what’s in their best interest.

They’ll eat jelly beans all day, not in their best interest, so up until 14. Then at the age of 14, we do actually have a statute that says that a 14-year-old can have a say, and they look at grades, how mature they are, the basis for their decision. A parent wanting to buy them a puppy, again, probably not the best foundation for that decision.

They look at all of those things, and they try to do it by the least intrusive methods. They’re going to allow a child to testify as the last resort. There are other ways.

We have family court services, which is a state way of getting the information from the parents and from a child as to what is going on and what they want or what they think is going on in each home. So 14 is the cutoff, and if parents have a question about a child, regardless of their age, the child doesn’t want to live with dad or mom or wants to live with this one or that one, and I know that this is not an unusual issue, I know this comes up. People have questions.

How can they be in touch with you? You can reach us at 619-574-8000 and you will be put on my calendar for a free 30-minute phone consultation. See how I can help you with your issue. You can also reach us online at www.PrimusFamilyLaw.com. There’s a form to fill out.

We reach back out and put you back on my calendar for that free 30-minute phone consultation.