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Three, two, one. Welcome to another Family Law Matters. I’m Dr. Michael Mantell joining Bonnie Rabinovitch-Mantel, who is the owner and managing partner of the highly esteemed Primus Family Law Group right here in San Diego.

Hi, Bonnie. Hi, Michael. How are you doing today? I’m doing great.

Bonnie, I think it’s time for you to do your very special announcement about our non-relationship. Okay. So once again, people are thinking that either Michael and I are married or Michael and I are related or he’s my brother or my uncle or even silly people.

Or your son. Might think he’s my dad, but he’s not. So we are not related at all.

If anybody’s watching this, you can see that my name ends in one L and his name because, you know, man, it’s not their fault. He needs an extra L to make him complete. And so we are not related.

We’re just the best of friends who happen to find each other. And it’s been now more than 20 years, 25 years. Yeah.

Amazing. Friends. Yeah.

It’s great. And the four of us, our spouses are all girlfriends. I love his wife, Paula, and he really loves my husband, Barry, and we all get along and get together and know we’re not related.

I mean, he wants to adopt me. I’m okay with that. Right.

I can’t afford her. All right. Let’s get down to the questions that people have asked us to cover.

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Can I relocate my kids out of state during divorce proceedings? And that touches on another issue of what factors are considered when determining child custody. So you have custody over your kids in a marriage. You’re getting divorced.

And I decided I want to take my kids and move them to wherever. Not so easy to do that, is it? So if you want to move and you’re in the middle of divorce proceedings, your spouse must agree. Otherwise, if you’re already in divorce proceedings, you’ve seen the summons.

And if you haven’t read the back of that form, please do because it clearly states you cannot remove your children from the state without getting written consent. Not, he told me I could go, or she said I was okay. No, you have to get written consent from the other side to move because that’s obviously going to affect the timeshare the other parent has.

Once you move the child out of state, the other parent is usually regulated, right? Yeah. Relegated to school breaks, some holidays. It’s not the same as being able to get there and see the children over the weekend, on a Tuesday, in the middle of a Thursday.

So that will affect custody. Now, as for the factors that affect custody, best interests of the children, that is what our court goes by, is what is in the best interest of the children. So they have a ton of factors like stability and continuity of the routine.

Who’s been the primary caregiver? Where are all the family? Where do the kids have school? Where do the kids have their doctors? Are they in activities? Where are those located? That’s all going to be part of stability and continuity. And also, how often are they with each parent? What are their bonding? How old are they? Are they able to have a preference? Even though before age 14, court’s not really going to take their say, but they may have a preference and it may be a reasonable one. And that may be one of the factors for consideration.

So when it comes to custody, the judge has to look at the global best interests of these children and what kind of custodial arrangement is going to make sense. And everybody says, Michael, well, isn’t there a presumption for 50-50? No, there is absolutely no presumption for 50-50, if that’s not in the best interest of the children. Which is why it’s important for parents who know their kids to try to work this stuff out.

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Because if you can agree on what the child sharing is supposed to be, a judge is not going to upset that unless you parents are unfit. But if you’re fit parents and regular San Diegans, and you agree that this and this is the child sharing, the court’s not going to upset that. Right.

You mentioned a very important issue, the emotional well-being, the fitness of a parent to parent. And sometimes he or she may say, my spouse is crazy and I don’t like the way they’re taking care of the kids. And I want a psychological evaluation.

What do you say about that? The court does make a presumption that we’re fit parents unless it’s found otherwise. And there are certain situations that do affect that. Addiction, abuse.

But just because you disagree with that parent’s parenting style, that may not be sufficient. We all parent a little different. We all have a different idea as to what is acceptable or not.

And every household’s not going to be the same. So as long as there’s no abuse or corporal punishment or things going on that shouldn’t, you know, we’re leaving guns out. I mean, there are dangerous situations that we don’t put our children in that will affect your fitness.

Don’t do that. Well, and I’ve seen cases where someone will say, well, my spouse is in therapy and therefore they have psychological problems. And that doesn’t, that’s not necessarily true.

Right. I mean, Michael, both you and I know that more than half of our population would serve well with a little bit of therapy. And if you’re in therapy, you’re actually trying to work on your issues.

You’re not sitting there and repressing them, stuffing them in the closet and hoping they just go away because it doesn’t work. Right. I mean, there are certain, there are certain psychiatric illnesses that are at the extreme.

And then we’re not talking about those. You know, like therapy. Right.

And if someone has some questions about this, concerns about the wellbeing and safety, emotional, physical, and so forth of their child, when they’re dealing with custody issues, they have questions. How can they be in touch with you to get some answers? They can reach us directly at 619-574-8000. Or you can reach us online at www.primusfamilylaw.com. And there’s a live chat agent on website.

Our staff will put you on our calendar. Either way gets you a free 30 minute zoom or phone consultation as you wish.