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Hi everyone, I’m Dr. Michael Mantell, joining Bonnie Rabinovitch-Mantel, who is the owner and managing partner of the Primus Family Law Group right here in San Diego. Hi Bonnie. Hi Michael, how are we doing today? I think we are doing great.

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I like the Royal League. Others maybe not, particularly someone who’s been blindsided by a spouse saying, I want a divorce. It’s just a horrific situation when you think about this.

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So what should, from your perspective, what do you suggest people do first if their spouse suddenly asks for a divorce? First thing you need to do is breathe, okay, because while this is traumatic and it is a shock, reacting is not going to get you where you need to be, okay? And so you really do need to breathe. Take a moment and assess. And then, yes, you’ve got to start thinking about this in sort of a transactional way.

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And I know people are going, well, wait a minute, that’s crazy, Michael, because, you know, my whole world just fell apart. And we have kids and there’s a house and bank accounts and… Breathe. A good attorney will get you through it, okay? And who knows, a good attorney will also say, have you tried marital counseling? Because maybe there’s a way that this doesn’t have to go down that road.

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But let’s say you’ve tried that and you’re still going down this road. So I would make an assessment, figure out how many bank accounts there are, start taking stock. Is there a retirement? What are the bank accounts? What are the balances? Are our bills paid? What do we have? And if you have no idea about this, because there are certain spouses, I’ll be the first to say I have no idea what my husband does at home.

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Okay, so if you really have no idea, that’s okay too, okay? Still, an attorney will help you gather all the documents that you need to find out everything, to figure out what you’re entitled to, to figure out what support is going to look like, and to figure out how you’re going to get through. Are there common mistakes that people make in this emotional turmoil in the first few days after a divorce request or announcement? Oh, yes. They do things that they don’t realize could lead them to a restraining order, okay? Don’t cancel credit cards.

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Don’t cancel insurances. Don’t, you know, change the locks on your home. Unless, of course, this is a domestic violence situation, that’s a whole different episode.

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But if it’s just a regular situation, don’t… Making the situation worse by reacting only costs you both a lot more in fees, stress, all the way through. So, common mistakes, shutting everything down. Other common mistakes are draining bank accounts.

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Don’t do that either. If worse, you can take some, but make an accounting of what sum you’re taking. But a lot of people don’t realize that their bills are paid from account, and if you just take everything, then you’re bouncing, and you’re, again, creating more drama.

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So, your first thing you should do is call an attorney. Call a few attorneys. Find out what’s out there.

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See what’s out there. Meet what’s out there. And then come to Primus, because we’ll take care of you.

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Primus Family Law, you, Bonnie, and your esteemed attorneys, seek closure, not revenge, because you understand that divorce, whether it’s sudden or planned or discussed for a long time, is the end of a marriage. It’s not the end of the world. And if people do want to talk with you and avail themselves of a free 30-minute consultation, how can they be in touch with you at Primus Family Law? Well, they can reach us directly at 619-574-8000.

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Or you can reach us online at www.PrimusFamilyLaw.com. There’s a form you can fill out. There’s a live chat agent who will get you right over to us. We’re here to help.

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And you will be put on one of our calendars for a free 30-minute phone or Zoom consultation. Bonnie, thank you very much for another wonderful Family Law Matters. See you next time.

(4:45 – 4:46)
Thanks, Michael.