(0:00) Hi everyone, and welcome to another Family Law Matters. (0:04) I’m Dr. Michael Mantell, privileged to be joining Bonnie Rabinovitch-Mantel, (0:09) who is the owner and managing partner of the Primus Family Law Group. (0:14) Hi, Bonnie.

(0:15) Hi, Michael. How are you today? (0:18) Bonnie, summertime. (0:20) We’re great.

We have the summer off. (0:24) Not. (0:25) Not.

And my children are grown, so… (0:30) They don’t have the same issues. (0:32) And my great-grandchildren’s child, I should say, isn’t walking yet. So in any case, (0:37) the point is that there are many people for whom summer is just blah, blah, the same old thing.

(0:43) But if you’re a youngster or the parent of a youngster, (0:46) that opens up some very interesting doors. (0:49) Co-parenting during the summer can be a real challenge from a mental health perspective, (0:55) parenting advice, as well as a legal set of issues. (1:00) So tell us about some of the concerns that you have and how you guide parents (1:04) who are co-parenting during what ought to be a beautifully relaxed summer vacation (1:09) and can be who knows what.

(1:12) You know, the problem I see, Michael, is that parents still work during the summer (1:17) just because their kids are off. (1:19) That doesn’t mean the parents are off. (1:20) That creates some challenges in and of itself of child care.

(1:24) Where to put these kids? Where to put these kids? (1:26) And you know what, Michael, all of these times that we talk, (1:29) we focus on like legal guidance and what we’re supposed to… (1:34) And you and I have gone back and forth, and I say it all the time, (1:38) be flexible. (1:39) Remember, you know, it’s about the kids. (1:43) It’s… (1:43) We understand that summer camps are expensive.

(1:46) Not everybody can afford it. (1:47) Not everybody has ready child care. (1:50) It’s a really challenging time.

(1:52) But if your parents can try to be flexible with each other, (1:58) that just may ease some of the tension for everybody. (2:01) But you’ve heard me say that a thousand times already. (2:04) So you know what, Michael, what do you say? (2:06) What do you advise or share with these people who come to you and say, (2:13) I’m going to kill him or her? (2:15) Well, that reminds me, I was a chief psychologist (2:18) for the San Diego Police Department way back.

(2:21) I was riding in the car with then chief Bill Collinger. (2:24) And we’re talking about somebody. (2:26) I said, oh my God, I’m going to kill that guy.

(2:28) And Bill pulled the car over the side of the road. (2:31) He said, you just told the chief of police you’re going to kill someone? (2:35) No, I was just kidding around. (2:37) He said, what if that guy gets killed tomorrow? (2:39) You just talk.

(2:40) So I don’t like that expression, but I get what you’re saying. (2:43) You understand what I mean, right? (2:44) Of course. (2:45) People are at their wits end.

(2:46) Yeah. (2:47) Look, here’s the thing. (2:49) A rigid, demanding thinking creates emotional distress.

(2:55) Say that now in real people speak. (3:01) When we are rigid and inflexible and we demand that things go a certain way, (3:08) you sign the agreement and this is the way you said it should be. (3:11) And I don’t care.

(3:12) And you have the kids and you are going to create more emotional upset and distress (3:18) in yourself and not help the situation. (3:21) So your words, be flexible. (3:24) Be flexible in the way you think about this.

(3:27) The kids will remember this for the rest of their lives. (3:31) Is this the summer that you want them to talk to their children about being a great summer? (3:36) And even though mom and dad were separated or divorced, we had a great time. (3:41) But do you want them to be angry, frustrated and never want to talk about their summer (3:49) because mom and dad were so inflexible? (3:52) Sure.

(3:53) You have an agreement, but that’s just an agreement. (3:57) The kid needs come first. (4:00) Yes.

(4:01) So if the kid needs to be picked up from campus, they’re supposed to be with mom. (4:05) Hey, it’s your problem. (4:08) Well, maybe the kid needs to be picked up.

(4:11) So I love your expression. (4:13) Be flexible. (4:15) Maybe if you were inflexible, that breeds more flexible.

(4:19) When you need something, they’ll be more likely to do. (4:23) And now all of a sudden we’re co-parenting. (4:26) Yeah.

(4:27) And the child enjoys being with mom, enjoys being with dad, grandparents, whatever it may be. (4:34) Bonnie, if people have questions about this and we’re in the, here we are in summertime. (4:39) But my agreement says this and should be, and it must be.

(4:43) People have questions about this. (4:44) How can they talk with you for a free 30 minute consultation? (4:48) They can reach us directly 619-574-8000, or they can reach us online at www.PrimusFamilyLaw.com. (5:01) We have a live chat agent. (5:03) We have a form to fill out.

(5:05) Free 30 minute phone or Zoom consultation. (5:07) Let’s see how we can help you co-parent.